Never fuck a capitalist. They refuse condoms because they don’t like protection for the workers.
never go down on a capitalist, they’ll let you do all the work and then insist they came solely through their own hard work & self-determination.
(via princessbeancurd)
A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation
| When something bad happens: | True is it that we have seen better days. |
| When something REALLY bad happens: | O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day! |
| When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: | The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose. |
| When my girlfriend abandons me for food: | FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN! |
| When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: | BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE! |
| When I burn something while cooking: | MY CAKE IS DOUGH! |
| When human stupidity frustrates me: | LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE! |
| When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: | NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D. |
| When I'm broke: | My pride fell with my fortunes |
| When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: | OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT! |
| When someone disagrees with me: | THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY. |
| When I argue with my girlfriend: | The course of true love never did run smooth. |
| When I'm embarrassed: | MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?! |
| Someone says "Good Night": | Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. |
